Bardzo Mi Przykro
by Niebezpiczny Ksiezyc
Summary: A story of the tragic downfall of a Gundam Pilot when he is forced to face life after the Endless Waltz... What will happen to our young pilot, and what will his fellow pilots think? Please read & review! Has been fixed! complete story
1. W Ktora Strone Pojodziemy?

Bardzo Mi Przykro  
by: Niebezpiczny Ksiezyc  
  
Part One: W Która Strone Pójodziemy?  
(Which Way Shall We Go?)  
  
After the final battle of the Endless Waltz was slowly completed, five young men had to prepare themselves for new battles in which they could never truly win. Their new mission: How to live "normal" lives. No more fights, no more battles, no more Gundams. One man in particular was sure to have the most difficulties coping with this new lifestyle. Every story of life has its heroes, its villains and its martyrs. Interesting how one person can become all three. A hero to the thousands of people whom he saved. A villain to all whom he turned a cold shoulder upon. And a martyr, the symbol of the greed and hatred of men, trained to do their bidding without a conscious thought of its consequences.  
So began the new life of Heero Yuy. To the thousands of people who passed him as he walking along the crowded city streets, he was a nameless entity, without a past, without a future. But to a select few, he was the perfect soldier. However, the perfect soldier does not make for an effective introduction when looking for an apartment or a job. No one wants to hire or house a murderer. So Heero sloughed off the title that took him the entire first part of his young life to gain, and tried to assimilate into society.   
  
Large drops of rain poured from the black skies unto the unruly hair belonging to none other than Heero Yuy. The few people brave or rather stupid enough to be on the street in the middle of night, ran to seek shelter from the cold water. Heero merely ignored the foolish men and women running from the rain. With he sigh, he asked himself if it really hurt to be that stupid? He shook his head and continued to slowly trek down the street, once again absorbed in his thoughts. He was often seen wandering down the streets of the city at night, always alone, always walking quietly. This was the only time when Heero could sort through the millions of thoughts that slowly began to torture his brain. The "what ifs" soon began to consume his thinking. What if he hadn't found Relena in time? What if he had died in his Gundam? What if he failed his missions? He shook his head again, trying to shake the mordant thoughts from his brain. But they would not leave. Nothing he did aided his battle against his mind.   
Heero, seeking relief began to run down the street. The first couple of miles felt like nothing to the highly trained Heero Yuy. However, after a couple of hours of running, he legs burned from the build up of lactic acid and his lungs ached for more oxygen. Yet he did not stop running, running physically and running from his thoughts. He soon found the relief he had been waiting for. His head felt light and the scenery along side of his path began to blur. His legs no longer ached, but ceased to exist to his brain. The runner's high was kicking in full swing, he didn't feel any pain, not even any pain from his thoughts. He ran, pushing his body farther to punish it for its flaws and giving way to useless thoughts and emotions. He soon came to a small park outside of the city. His body, deprived of oxygen and energy, collapsed onto the muddy ground.   
  
"You let me die Heero. You saw that I needed help, but you let me die anyway. You couldn't save me Heero. Why couldn't you save me?"  
"I tried to save you. There was nothing more that I could do!"  
"How can you lie to me Heero? You didn't even try to save me. Why can't you help me? Please help me Heero, I'm in so much pain! Please save me!"  
Heero reached out to grab the small hand of the young boy whose face was twisted in agony. He looked so familiar to Heero, but Heero could not figure out the identity of the young boy. "Here, grab my hand! I won't fail this time! I won't fail! Let me save you!" Heero made one last attempt to reach for the boy's outstretched hand, but when Heero came close to touching his finger tips, the boy's hand turned into a thick, congealed bloody liquid. "Noooo!"  
"Nooo!" Heero screamed again. He looked down at his hands and was horrified at what he saw. He hands were covered with thick, dark mud. He was squeezing his mud filled hands so hard that his blood began to mix with the dark glops of earth. "Damn it!" He pounded the soggy ground until he felt his four of his knuckles brake. "He slowly say up and tried to take deep breaths in hopes of returning his heart rate to normal. "It was only a dream," he said, "it was only a dream." The next fifteen minutes passed slowly as Heero sat on the wet ground, too stunned to move. Who was that young boy? Why did he look so familiar? A loud rumble from his empty stomach brings his mind back to reality. Heero took one more deep breath before struggling to stand up. He winced as pain shot through both of his legs. "Hmm...maybe I should remember to stretch the next time I decide to go for a run" Heero dryly claimed to himself as he began to stretch and pull his sore leg muscles. The ominous growl from his stomach once again warned the former pilot that he needed to return home and eat. Heero tore part of his shirt and wrapped his bloody and broken hands in the wet cloth.  
Five hours later, Heero stumbled into his apartment. He limped into the kitchen to begin his search for food. Without bothering to wash his muddy and blood drenched hands, he grabbed an apple that sat on the kitchen table. He hungrily sank his teeth into the sweet flesh of the apple, and felt some energy returning to his body. After rapidly consuming the fruit, he reached for another, but abruptly stopped after adverting his gaze upwards. His blue eyes filled with horror and terror as he observed the single most terrifying sight in his young life. 


	2. Czy To Juz Wszystko?

Bardzo Mi Przykro  
by: Niebezpiczny Ksiezyc  
  
Part Two: Czy To Juz Wszystko?  
(May I Go Now?)  
  
The young man began to violently vomit, and when his stomach was emptied, he began to hack and cough uncontrollably. He gripped his abdomen as his weak body fell onto the cold, hard floor. He began to cough up blood, as his body continued to refuse to stop coughing. His throat was raw and sore from the acidic vomit and then became inundated with the metallic taste of blood. Heero struggled against the involuntary actions of his diaphragm , to try to breathe again. Seconds pasted like years, and minutes pasted like a life time, as Heero tried to calm himself. Exhausted from last night, and with the horrible picture burned into his mind, Heero past out, lying in a pool of his own bodily fluids.   
This sweet release from reality did not last long enough for Heero to dream. He felt his eyelids slowly flutter as he began to open them. The sunlight that poured into the kitchen, burned his eyes, and Heero reached up with his hand to shield the sensitive sense organs from the intrusive light. Every muscle in his body was weak and shaking as he struggled to move. He finally hoisted himself to standing position with the aid of a nearby kitchen chair. The image that had caused his body to rebel flashed into his weakened mind repeatedly. Heero fell once more to the floor, and slowly crawled out of the kitchen and made his journey to his bathroom. After he crawled into the bathroom, he slowly reached up to turn on the shower. The room slowly began to fill with steam as Heero painstakingly gathered all of his energy to remove his soiled clothes. He crawled into the shower and let the hot streams of water beat mercilessly onto his cold skin. He sat in the shower, mesmerized by the swirls of red and brown that slowly swirled and finally quenched the thirst of the metal drain. Heero's body began to shake once more as the scene in the kitchen slowly began to unfold in his mind.  
He saw himself look at the core of the apple that he had demolished, and then look at the other fruit, waiting to be eaten lying on the table. Heero saw himself reach for another piece of fruit. He once again heard the sound outside of his apartment that made he look up the window. He saw the orange stripped cat once again jump down from his window sill onto the fire escape latter below. As he returned his gaze to the fruit, a bright object caught his attention. It was a metal toaster that Duo had given him as joke. The perfect soldier making the perfect piece of toast. The other pilots laughed at the thought of Heero being bewildered about something as trivial as toasted bread. Heero remembered how Duo smiled in triumph at getting the perfect soldier to crack a half, lopsided smile at the same thought. Heero's attention once again returned to the memory of the incident in the kitchen. He was looking at the toaster when he saw that horrible picture. Those eyes, those hollow, cold, pain filled eyes. They looked so familiar. Not only did Heero recognize those eyes as his own from the reflection, but they also belonged to that young boy who haunted his dreams. Flashes of the dreams exploded into Heero's mind. The voice, the facial expressions, and the eyes. Slowly the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.   
Heero's weak body began to shake violently as he fought to keep the tears from flowing freely from his red, sleep deprived eyes. "So it was true," Heero hoarsely gasped, "it was true all along. I couldn't save him. I can't save him." Heero threw his head back and yelled "I can't save him ! When does it stop! When the hell does it stop!" The boy, the one reaching for his help. The one who needed to be saved, and yet never was saved was named Heero Yuy.  
  
Duo and Hilde raced to Heero's apartment, each trying to win the infantile race to his front door. Heero had been acting more recluse and quiet lately, even more so than his normal anti-social self. The two had planned to surprise Heero with a visit. What could be better than a visit from some old friends? They laughed as they tried to grab each other's arms to hold the other person back. Duo laughed as he found an extra burst of energy and sprinted to Heero's door, and temporarily out of Hilde's sight. Hilde was laughing as she reached Heero's front door. She was still laughing as she said "Okay Duo, you win this round but next time I won't play nice!" She giggled and lightly punched Duo in the arm. "Duo? what is it, what's wron-" Hilde abruptly stopped talking as she saw Duo's normally jovial face wrinkle with worry. Hilde turned to see Heero's front door wide open. Hand prints made from blood and mud were beginning to dry on the handle and door frame. Duo grabbed Hilde's arm and pulled her behind him. He stepped cautiously into the apartment, followed closely by Hilde. They first approached the kitchen, and Duo quickly grabbed and squeezed Hilde's hand as they saw the bloody mess on the kitchen floor. Duo's free hand covered Hilde's mouth to stifle her scream.   
Hilde slowly nodded showing that she was okay. Duo released her from his vise-like grip and turned to leave the kitchen. He heard the sound of the running water coming from the bathroom. He breathed a sigh of relief, Heero was probably out training again last night. The blood was merely from the cuts that he was sure to have recieved. "Hey, Heero? Are you here? You sure scared the crap out of Hilde and me! You're going to make my hair turn gray before I'm even 30!" Duo said laughing. "Heero?" Duo waited but no response came from the bathroom. "Heero?" Duo said again. "Hee-" Hilde grabbed Duo's arm and pointed to the trail of blood and mud that lead into the bathroom. "Hilde, stay here alright?" Hilde meekly nodded as Duo made his way to the bathroom. The door was opened, but Duo knocked on the frame the let Heero know that he was there. "Heero? Are you alright?". The steam from the shower shrouded the bathroom in a an almost fog like atmosphere.  
Duo felt his heart beat painfully fast in his chest as he walked further into the bathroom. "Heero, if this is your idea of a joke, then you seriously need to keep your day job cause you could never make it as a comedian," Duo nervously babbled. When he reached the shower stall, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He began to quietly talk to himself, "Okay Maxwell, no worries, Heero is going to be alright! Hell, you will probably end up more injured than he is when he sees you here in his bathroom." He slowly exhaled and opened his eyes. Of all the things that Duo expected to see and thought had happened, this certainly was not one of them. 


	3. Dokad Pan Idzie?

Bardzo mi przykro  
(I am sorry)  
  
by: Niebezpiczny Ksiezyc  
  
  
Disclaimer: Same as part two. Do not own GundamWing or anything affiliated with the show, manga etc...  
  
Part 3: Dokad Pan Idzie?  
(Where are you going?)  
  
  
  
"War and destruction warp the mind of anyone who dare participate or stand in its maelstrom of instability. The old myth that a perfect soldier exists is false, just like many other old wives tales that mothers tell their children. No one can stand the death, the loss or even the gain of power in the end by the victor. But what of the loser? Perhaps in reality there is not a single loser for all involved seem to lose something or someone in the process. Life cannot be taken without repercussions from the soul and mind. The very thought of extinguishing life follows a person throughout the rest of theirs. They live life as a hollow shell, a cold hearted person, who cannot feel.  
But what does a person do when they start to feel? They start to relive those moments that they tried so hard to tuck away in the back of their minds. Buildings crumbled and dust covering the once fertile and vibrant earth. The echoes of the laughter of innocent children that had once joyfully played on that very street, reverberate throughout the soul. They remember the way the bright sun became dim as if it was ashamed to bear witness to the atrocities committed below. There is no more laughter, there is no more sunshine. There is no more innocence.  
  
A man can only stand so much pressure before cracking under the very thing that kept him going during those years of battle. When you fall asleep at night, do you dream of death and see the faces of those you killed? A solider can only be perfect in the heat of battle. But what do you do with a perfect soldier, when the battle dwindles, and the flame of unrest flickers and slowly burns out? Do they themselves slowly flicker between the two worlds? Or do they stay amongst a state of anguish and hell for eternity?   
  
Perhaps the perfect soldier can only stand so much of this torture. Isn't it ironic that the perfect soldier is designed to withstand any situation, but not any situations created by their minds? There is no perfect soldier, no automaton that performs horrible acts and does not live to regret them later. They fight their physical enemies bravely, but they always lose to the demons within."  
  
A small tear drops to the wrinkle paper, grasped tightly in the hand of a young boy. Another boy walks by, and places a hand on his shoulder and pauses to speak. "Heero would have proud of that eulogy."  
  
  
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